Panic Attack

I just came down off an very scary trip. That’s the only way I can really describe it. I had stressor upon stressor piled on top of me today and this week. So when the final straw was pulled in the back of a gas station I sat with my boyfriend and cried. I lost feeling in my arms and legs and started to panic. Even though I had my boyfriend there telling me everything would be ok there were so many worries and fears running through my head. One of the main ones was me worrying that I was going to get my boyfriend in trouble since he was at work.

I eventually started to try and walk. I couldn’t control my body’s convulsions and everything seemed to shake. I got in my car and sat trying to calm myself even more. It felt like I was in a dream. My brain worked, but my body felt dead. I got scared when I was driving because I was in control, but I felt like I was in a very trippy dream and video game at the same time. I was forgetting where I was exactly and once I was scared because I thought I couldn’t find my street, but in reality my brain knew where I was.

Once I got home I was able to make it to the shower and calm down a little more. But then things started spinning again and I forgot where I was exactly again. I knew I was in my apartment, but my consciousness was only able to see the shower and a corner of my bathroom. I eventually made it out of the bathroom to my bed and after about an hour of focusing on gaining control again I fell asleep for a little while.

So here I sit now. Recounting the most terrifying moments in my life and eating pastrami straight from the container because I couldn’t find any bread and it sounded good. It’s odd because it seems as if everything is ok again even though I know that someday, probably tonight actually, I’ll have to face everything again. It’s like I rebooted and my brain still hasn’t warmed up again.


~ by alicechick on October 13, 2011.

2 Responses to “Panic Attack”

  1. What was the cause of your panic attack?

    • Dad’s threat to cut me off was like my last straw for a very stressful week. I knew it was going to happen. but it hit me pretty hard.

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