In my mind I am think yes, I need to just adapt and make things work the way I need them to, but then a small part of me just wants to scream and fight ever second. Actually it is screaming, “I like who I’ve become! I was happy, why should I have to change?” To be honest I think everything is starting to become one big fat lie. “Yes I enjoy living here.” “I am so glad we’re living together.” “I want you to come hang out with us.” And now the lies decoded. “I would rather pull out each one of my teeth than live here.” “I was glad, but now I am seeing out weird you are.” “I am just being nice because I don’t want you to feel left out.” I’d rather feel left out than unwanted.

The constant sounds shifting and altering behind closed doors just show how little you want me here. My door is always opened, but I am finding more and more yours is always closed. I feel like I am intruding on your “perfect” little world…People keep telling me this is so great, but it isn’t. I try to go out and to be the way everyone says I should, but that isn’t me…My mind tells me just go with the flow, you can do that. But then I just want to leave and not be here.


~ by alicechick on August 17, 2011.

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