Finding A Mate

A mate can be many things. A friend, someone to kill time with, someone to have fun in the moment with, a lover, many things. The question is what kind of mate are we looking for? I am always open to friends or people to kill time with and have fun in the moment with, but when it comes to lovers…that’s a tough one. Perhaps I am just too picky when it comes to matters like this. I don’t like saying that I am picky because in most aspects of life I am not. I’ll eat really anything, I’ll do almost anything and I’ll stand almost anyone. But when it comes to standing a person of the opposite sex…well that’s a frontier I have yet to cover.

I’ve had boyfriends and guy friends, but I don’t know if I could ever be with one seriously now. My most recent and by far longest relationship was only two months, yes it was long distance, but still there were things I could not stand about my boyfriend. But trying to my things last I tried to be that cool fun girlfriend.

I was raised around guys so I don’t try to be that girl that is controlling or naggy or any of that. But I have yet to master controlling my own jealousy and paranoia. With most of my boyfriends I have been cheated on, so the worry is usually always there. (But sometimes it needs to be there…)

But since I am being general with the term mate I’ll also touch on finding friends. I like to say I make friends easy, but at the moment I am in a shy mode that I can’t seem to shake. It’s probably because I am trying to focus on things that are in my extremely important file, like finding a job and staying on top of my school work and stuff. It could also be that I am in a cautious state of mind. I just moved into my first apartment, I’ve changed my major and I found out I have no job. Yeah a cautious state is most likely…

I hope I can shake this weird mood I am in and just go with things. I don’t like having to plan every little thing. I am not much of a planner. I do plan for small things like if I am staying over night some where or for an extended time I take my phone charger. Beyond things like that I don’t like to plan. Yes I am usually cautious in my doings, but never this much and I don’t like it. I want to be the free flow girl I usually am, but not having a job has me really paranoid.

But then my mom’s side of my genes kicks in and I tell myself I can do this. I am a mature girl who has a plan for my life (even though I don’t like plans) and I can do anything I set my mind to! Thank you Mom! (Smile.)


~ by alicechick on August 13, 2011.

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